I feel guilty, nervous, excited (?), confused, at the same time. My imagination of the worst possibility is running around in my mind, but I must create the best plot and the best ending for this story. The frequency of my heartbeat is increasing. I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. I wanna cry, but I feel that I’m better not to do that. I am lack of confidence.
I feel guilty. I’m sorry for everyone who is involved in this story directly or indirectly. I didn’t put my maximal effort. I meet my supervisors rarely because of my fear of the worst possibility. He expected deeper analysis in my thesis. It seems that my thesis is not worth enough. I do not deserve to take the advanced step. Yet, my first supervisor has given me his “OK” to go to the next step because of the *fast track* title in my shoulder… 😦 *sigh* My supervisors are super kind, yet I haven’t replied their kindness with the same amount or more.
I’m nervous. I wonder whether my second supervisor will also give me an OK or not. He is having a workshop now and I’m waiting outside the assembly room. Oh, it’s lunch time and maybe he is chatting with his foreign guest. I want to go there, but I’m afraid I disturb his nice chitchat. I’m anxious about me not getting his signature and have to graduate next year. It’s still in the middle of the year but getting his signature today is very crucial of my path this year.
I’m excited (?). If my plan for today is going smoothly, my thesis presentation will be held 2-3 weeks away. Oh, My! Am I ready? Now, I am not. But I hope I will be ready as soon as possible. I have to be ready.
I’m confused about my future. There are 2 opposite possibilities. Success or failure. What happened in the days next week are still unclear. *deep sigh*
Laa haula wa laa quwwata illaa billaah… Allah swt always know the best things that I need. Please give me your blessing, yaa Rabb…*waiting my second supervisor, 2 hours before the deadline of the registration of thesis presentation*
After publishing this article, I turned my head to the right and I saw my supervisor. Thanks God! I approached him, and handed over my thesis. He was not angry with me, he put a smile on his face, as usual. I gave a brief explanation of my thesis progress. I told him the due date of the registration of the thesis presentation. “Unfortunately, the due date is today, Sir…,” I said. His expression didn’t change, his smile was still on his face, as usual. He signed my registration form. I thanked him a lot.
Aaand… I have signed up for the next thesis presentation. Alhamdulillah! The plan of the remaining days of this week is clearer. I have to catch up to my supervisors’ expectation. Thanks for your support for me, dear readers :’) Gambarimasu! yosh! xO“O ye who believe! If ye will aid (the cause of) Allah, He will aid you, and plant your feet firmly.” (Muhammad :7) “Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction.” (Ar-Ra’d :28)